she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
