I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
