office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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