I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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