9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
