Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
