Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
