I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
