I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
