Cold hands, warm shart.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Randomize
