3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
