did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
