i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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