I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
