there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
what day is it and did you see me today?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
