i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
