tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
