what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
