Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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