i don't like sucking hair
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
