Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
