My liver just broke up with me...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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