My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
