genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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