He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize