Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
