Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
