Will you blow on my dice?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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