There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
