It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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