This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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