the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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