I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I checked into jail on foursquare
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize