Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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