dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
