am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize