I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
