You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
