So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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