So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You can't special order awesome
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
