I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
