i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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