Is it normal to miss your booty call?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
