She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
