Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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