If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
