I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
