she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
