I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
