I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
