HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
