I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
that's an acceptable place to lick
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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