Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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