Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Who wears a wallet chain?!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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