dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
