apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Randomize
