i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
