my mouth tastes like poor choices
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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