I'm gonna have a badass scar
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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