She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
