You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
