Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I did not marry a roomba.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
