I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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