I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
