Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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