he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
