If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize