margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
