What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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