Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
